(n.) the exhausting understanding that you must work yourself bare for nearly nothing;
understanding is built like a palace from toothpicks, or cultivated the way you do a fragile garden survivable only in the tiniest possible combination of circumstances.
so as you explain and elaborate, persuade and articulate, and hope that you’re getting farther than those who came before you, the last ones who tried till they gave up, or tried till their end
and as you try to build understanding, catalyze change,
you push back the truth that lives inside you as much as it does outside of you
and paint the futility with rays of hope
because without optimism
we are all just waiting for our end